I am not tapping into something else.
I am tapping into me.
We are all part of what has been, is and will be, your description of tapping into is only me seeing what I am a part of beyond the illusion of reality being based on our learned expectations of possibility.
When one is not afraid of being alone, of looking at ones self outside of cerebral thoughts, Of seeing the answer is not coming from somewhere outside their being, but to recognize whatever is, is because it is a part of their consciousness, without it, that point in time, that space that (reality) would not exist. Do not be afraid of illusion or recognizing its part in you, for it is not illusion at all. You will never be able to see what you are until you stop looking for the answer outside yourself.
December 31, 2004
Stray
After thinking about what makes my mind work the way it does ;
i have come to the following conclusions that;
-- it is an individual entity, even my intrusion is not allowed
-- it ultimately does what it wants, my actions n efforts do not matter
-- when i am happy, it makes me cry
-- when i am sad, it maked me pretend
-- when i am fine, it makes me scream
-- when i want to scream, it makes me behave
-- when i want to do things, it makes me lazy
-- when i am lazy, it forces me to work
-- when i am sane, it makes me insane
-- when i need to go crazy, it compels me to stay calm
each day i think i am in control, each nite i realise i am being controlled
i have come to the following conclusions that;
-- it is an individual entity, even my intrusion is not allowed
-- it ultimately does what it wants, my actions n efforts do not matter
-- when i am happy, it makes me cry
-- when i am sad, it maked me pretend
-- when i am fine, it makes me scream
-- when i want to scream, it makes me behave
-- when i want to do things, it makes me lazy
-- when i am lazy, it forces me to work
-- when i am sane, it makes me insane
-- when i need to go crazy, it compels me to stay calm
each day i think i am in control, each nite i realise i am being controlled
December 29, 2004
Whirlwind
Its like a whirlwind, this mind.When things go wrong, i weep about the mess, and try hard and get it all back on track. It sucks energy, and wrecks my
nerves. You feel like you're in a dead-end tunnel. And after all many turmoils, finally a bright morning.You'd outwardly think all's fine, and now i can relax, but no, this bugger of a mind whirls again. You find everthing in
order, and can't take the neatness as well, so you start throwing things up.
Its like shuffling things up in an overly clean room.
Can't do with all the peace.
Can't go with the mess.
nerves. You feel like you're in a dead-end tunnel. And after all many turmoils, finally a bright morning.You'd outwardly think all's fine, and now i can relax, but no, this bugger of a mind whirls again. You find everthing in
order, and can't take the neatness as well, so you start throwing things up.
Its like shuffling things up in an overly clean room.
Can't do with all the peace.
Can't go with the mess.
December 22, 2004
Sampling a few 'dark thoughts'
I am walking towards my apartments, open the door, and wait for the lift. Enter the lift, where this guy, absolutely looking normal shoots me.....whats happens next? When somebody finds me, they get my identifications n stuff, and contact my family. Then there is the tears n loss story. Dunno about the killer, but i am dead.
Alternately, i get shot, but survive, though get a handicap. What and how different would life be then.
I cut my nerves one day, and wonder how my pa would take it? I am this happy chirpy bubbly person, who doesn't go about suicides and stuff.
I get run in an accident while saving 3 kids, 2 survive, so do i, but the 3rd doesn't make it. I have a guilt that takes my moments away.
I give myself a plausible explanation that i am reading too much about murder/rape/incest/trauma, both on electronic and print media. Even half the fiction stuff i read goes around all this. Its not too scary, but yeah, i'd rather imagine smelling the flowers than all this.....Again, probably coz' i think so much about death & pain, that half the thoughts club around the same.
Alternately, i get shot, but survive, though get a handicap. What and how different would life be then.
I cut my nerves one day, and wonder how my pa would take it? I am this happy chirpy bubbly person, who doesn't go about suicides and stuff.
I get run in an accident while saving 3 kids, 2 survive, so do i, but the 3rd doesn't make it. I have a guilt that takes my moments away.
I give myself a plausible explanation that i am reading too much about murder/rape/incest/trauma, both on electronic and print media. Even half the fiction stuff i read goes around all this. Its not too scary, but yeah, i'd rather imagine smelling the flowers than all this.....Again, probably coz' i think so much about death & pain, that half the thoughts club around the same.
December 15, 2004
Geographical Gaps
Am here in another country/continent for a project , its been 3 months, and there are another 4-5 to go, before i return to where i came from !!
Each day, inspite of people who have the same anatomies, interests, same foods, same sunrise and the same sunsets, my thoughts still turn to my homeland.....and a ring says 'home is home'.
Its more of a pyschological difference, but then everything is !!
The air smells different, the birds don't wave at me, and the winds howl in my ears.
At other times, its the same warm bed, the same tiredness after a long day, the same dreams i dream, and the same hopes i have !!
What then does a geographical gap essentially change, i remain the same, just my dependencies alter.....a lot. My family, my friends, my places, my home (back home).........all of this makes me give a thought to how bound one is to the environs around. Of what we have got used to. Of the people we choose to be with. Of everything which is familiar and a 'part of my world', as we put.
Each day, inspite of people who have the same anatomies, interests, same foods, same sunrise and the same sunsets, my thoughts still turn to my homeland.....and a ring says 'home is home'.
Its more of a pyschological difference, but then everything is !!
The air smells different, the birds don't wave at me, and the winds howl in my ears.
At other times, its the same warm bed, the same tiredness after a long day, the same dreams i dream, and the same hopes i have !!
What then does a geographical gap essentially change, i remain the same, just my dependencies alter.....a lot. My family, my friends, my places, my home (back home).........all of this makes me give a thought to how bound one is to the environs around. Of what we have got used to. Of the people we choose to be with. Of everything which is familiar and a 'part of my world', as we put.
December 10, 2004
Tossed-n-Turned
Naming a blog can be quite interesting.....there could be so many words that relate to one's mind and soul, to choose just one, is like picking on a favourite child, and ignoring the rest !!
''Thoughts'' are a difficult entitiy to tame......and most of the thoughts are mixed up, in essence as well as intent. I was thinking of a tossed salad, where all the ingredients get tossed n turned, to become a whole, complete. I think that translated itself to this name, and this first blog.
''Thoughts'' are a difficult entitiy to tame......and most of the thoughts are mixed up, in essence as well as intent. I was thinking of a tossed salad, where all the ingredients get tossed n turned, to become a whole, complete. I think that translated itself to this name, and this first blog.
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