(1) i think that we should keep our gobs sealed when it isn't really necessary to exhale certain trains of thought which are cryptically voiced out, leaving a severed understanding.
especially when the environment is jolly , and the adjectives are all happy.


(2) i also think it takes a lot, to keep away from unnecessary unhappiness and wasted moments.
wasted moments thanks to the silence which hangs, and the distance which creeps in, and the body that cringes, and the eyes that lose the twinkle, and the smile which is forced...


(3) i also think that one must open one's gob (thereafter) and clarify point (1) when the thought was 'xyz' and the expression resonated 'abc' so as to prevent the occurrence of point (2) happening.


i would like to say here, for no one's information but only as a reminder to myself, that i fail miserably executing point (3) and then (2) is almost inevitable.

it has nothing to do with ego. or sudden loss of speech. i get quiet and sad myself, perhaps at my first execution gone haywire [point (1) --->leading to point (2) ]. it kind of cripples my otherwise verbose neatly laid out expressive stream of thoughts.

i do think i speak my mind quite well.

but i also know when i do not speak my mind well, i ruin it pathetically.

today is a day when i am very excited.
like i can feel the raindrops falling over parched leaves and
them turning green in joy [when actually the sun's merciless
outside].

i have no agenda, no plan. i will be doing nothing exciting. i
will leave office, go buy vegetables, go home, try to find news in between
all the advertisements in times, walk around the house...
i may probably not even do the usual, i may do nothing and bore myself, or end
up sulking...

but i am feeling very excited.

feelings are a funny thing. surely.

i have visions of cooking a sumptuous meal today. the past is
evidence to such plans fizzing even after all the raw materials
were in place, and she had gone over all the steps , including
garnishing in her head. 'her head'. and the end witnessed the only steaming
bowl of the-maggi-more-than-2-minutes...
but that doesn't stop me right 'now' to do my head work...

on a particular day like this i could get into the chatting
mode. the excitement would act as an ideal catalyst to be
verbose, and gossipy, and witty and silly..but surely i will not be
meeting/seeing anyone today. so how does the nonsense spill
out..where where

my eyes are twinkling. i can feel it. and i look left and right,
and even though there is nothing nice to observe, nothing much to consume,
but everyone [even the morons] are seeming very nice and
acceptable ...

feelings are funny. they are moody.
they erupt when you're stashed stuck lazy . especially lazy. when you will have
laid it all out nicely in the head but, only there....alas
they seem to hide - i mean the exciting nice feelings seem to hide when
you're having a bad day waiting for a spark inside of you to
brighten you up. they particularly cannot be found when
everything and everyone seems obnoxious and you wait for magic
to brighten things up..

oh these silly silly moody unaccounted unrealized feelings..

talk about being whimsical
talk about sulking in the end...

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