mind attack

day before i had one of my 'attacks' again.......before you think its asthma or something, it isn't......though its equally chronic.

i just go into this 'over-think' ; 'over-analyse' ; 'over-decipher' ; 'over-complicate' mode, to an extent where my nerves start wrecking, and there is no clarity of thought in where i am, what i am doing, why i am doing, is it what i want, should i have been elsewhere, with whom i am, with whom i am not blah blah and blahs.

its in simpler put words a 'crazy' state of mind and its affairs.
but in reality, its a very 'saddening' state of my mind and its affairs.

things get muddled up so bad, and clarity hits rock bottom, that's when i start losing faith in myself. its such a confused mess then. i question all my choices, all my goals, all my decisions, everything. and only i am the loser, not to mention a sleepless night, and a carry forward of fatigue.

this time around, the 'attack' which i call a 'mind-attack' was one of the worst ever. i am calmer now, but still confused, and with less faith in myself than before.