ok. so you do things quite foolish. like stand on the tram stop for 25 minutes when it's pouring like mad. when you could be sitting warming your feet indoors on a [cozy] sunday. you did contemplate how intelligent would it be to step out in the wind & water. Reasoning resulted in turning a blind eye to mother nature. The trigger was weeks of a life confined to home-office-home run.

now the shoes are soaked. the umbrella's only a sham. all dogs are by the fire and all the cats are sleeping. i must say that it gives immense moral support to know there's a lad [without an umbrella] standing next, also waiting. It's very comforting. he's the only human company, well, not really in person, but in his presence. the roads are clean and wet and deserted. but for an occasional car.
for a few minutes, i get the pangs. what am i doing here ? but i know home wouldn't have been a home, but a cage, not now. so i pacify myself and wait for the tram which comes at it's usual time, but takes FOREVER to come.

there are lots of people on the tram. now this is fantastically re-assuring. i'm not the only one. and there are a few of them alone too. yay! the pangs are dying out. i am beginnning to watch the drops fall on the window. the ride is 20 minutes. there are men. women. no dogs today. good perfume. cheap perfume. mr 'grumpy' the conductor [he could be a sweetheart, but this is his visual impact]. a girl is sitting next [wasteful oservations - has a 4GB lue color iPod, listening to prodigy, white puma shoes, blond, samsung mobile, white unzipped bag, white trainer socks]*. she's on the right which is by the window. and i'm onto her left so the inevitable peek-a-boo. the window's full of mist now, can't see much, so now just look inside. nowhere in particular. uninterested glances. a bit alone. thinking if i should listen to music [and can't believe laziness reigns and i do not take out the player from my bag, but keep on contemplating this till the destination].

hit the destination.

action time. slow start. like a lazy warm up. but soon i am up & running. shopping. constantly reminding myself not to uy either of trackpants, socks or jackets. it's a daze. girls have too much put out for them in shops [NB majority is TRASH]. all glitz. like all that glitters is too much gold. boys have relatively less but ALL good stuff. for the 100th time, i wonder when they'll put some of those awesome tee-prints on girls tees. sheer sexism, this..

the place is rimming with human beings of all age groups, all shapes & sizes, all widths & lengths & diameters. joyful faces, and tired faces. people hogging. people laughing. babies crying. and babies sleeping. soon i don't even know if there were any pangs. all the color, all the splash. shopping progresses at a nice pace. i buy nice things. i eat a quick lunch. i get back to wait for the tram [4 hours 20 minutes have passed since i came]. the weather's cleared. mother nature is all smiles. the sky is as pretty as it can get. orange, yellow & golden clouds. a gentle breeze. this time's the iPod's out and so what more can i ask for. it's a happy wait. there is no hurry. no pangs. no rush. the tram comes in 15 minutes, and it seems to come too soon. i get on, get a seat. a window seat. clear glass. people are now invisible. and i look out of the window. music plays. home comes soon.

moods change. and the heart beats. life is beautiful. as always.

and this is how a gloomy rainy day becomes a very happy day.
and in the end, it's all that matters.
: )



*if she got kidnapped, this could be helpful i think

as kids* we are much better off, in the sense that our goals are usually like -
i want to be an astronaut, a writer, a painter and ______ [fill in the blank]

[going by the indian system]
one fine day, we become this 'someone' [goal #1], or 'someone else' [if goal #1 not met]

but what after that ?

by the time one grows up, everything we thought of 'back then', has changed by 'now'......and goals become increasingly subjective - i want peace, i want time, i want love, i want happiness etc etc.......and the rest all becomes mere mediums to reach these goals, or worse still, just for a living.

growing up.

*ignorance is bliss.

**how does one keep it all simple ALWAYS**

and i forgot the Question for the day -

Are you aware of what you FEEL ?

Discoveries -

It is possible to be alive and kicking and FEEL ''Ok'' with the following -

1. drasticaly reduced milk intake
2. not wearing wrist watch
3. having read 1 book in all (that too remaining half) in over a month


and somehow, this discovery is assuring [unlike many which are disturbing] for no particular reason

hmm

NEVER SAY NEVER

I don't love you.

I don't love you, anymore.

I'm not in love with you.

I can't love you.

I couldn't love you, ever.

I never loved you.

How could i love you.



A very deep distinct meaning behind each.....quite a bit of shit. Wondering still where the wierdo thought came from, but whatever - this is the space for it.
[Though a good comical story around each would be fun to pen..]


Anyhow, Question for the day -
What is the best part of your each day ?

random...

ate an assortment [read lunch] - potato & leek soup, salad box, 2 cheese & tomato sandwiches, 1 pack of crisps...the tummy's full but not satiated :(
...and the dairy milk bar

no comments on work

seems like i am in 15th century re exposure to THE internet. reason: as always, no time

have not written mails to acquaintances since long. confirms i don't care. and don't bother other than for close chums. which is how it should be [strong personal opinion]*
*subject to change once in a decade

living on music [when i don't]..but 24*7 of the non-office hours
current mode: rap r&b

sunshine: frequent. defining word - angel light : )
wind velocity: high but not destructive in nature
rainfall: infrequent. no hailstorms. just drizzles

discovery of the year - clarity is directly proportional to cynicism*
* deserves to be elaborated sometime

new years is approaching...

my friends are nice people. i am paying attention to them...

what i need now: a big mug of strong hot chocolate [acchi wali]

what hasn't been touched in a while -
paints and canvas

what was recently re-visited -
my diary
this blog

what's new in life - zilch [i am being the complete boring aimless s/w professional i can be right now, every and any excuse - NO TIME]

current target age for retirement: pulled back to 36 from 40

no target age set to quit this profession
no future plans intact, still hovering in dream land. and wonder land.
[and too many stupid ideas land]

too many people cause claustrophobia
....
.
..
...

some cashews at my desk

this seems like a diary entry
this also seems like trash

this is the result of work. and some idiot said, 'work is worship'. i hate him.

why couldn't the world be one big kingdom. and we all prince and princesses.
all fun. no work. all play. no work.

how many people in this world get you ?

it's like knowing you need to go pee. it's in your system to identify the feeling, and action it.

you find that in the herd , your systems are believable. around them. your processes are ordinary. as they could be. your chains are invisible. and the only things tied are the bondings. a mutual society , where there are only two possibilities. it will remain. it will not die.

the word 'understanding' isn't applicable. for even your shadow could do that, or the maid who mops your tiles.

it is just them, the ones, who know when you wet your pants, without any odour, without the wetness. and they'll get you a change.

they get you over cups of hot chocolate. and over the lanes walked by no real reasons.
over sunday morning church.
over years of spoken silences.

they look at you...and you know... that they know ;
and they know... you know that too.